There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave Your District by Lori Miller Fox

Now that our son has graduated from Junior High, we can finally say farewell to the sometimes problematic school district that has educated him for the past twelve-plus years and begin anew with High School. And while there were several wonderful one-to-ones, PHIs, more than a few teachers, and even a very fair-minded Special Education Director, who provided real leadership and caring, now that we’re finally finished there have been times that I felt like “I wish we could’ve left sooner.” I dedicate this post to all of the struggling families out there still stuck in unhealthy district relationships and offer some creative ways to make a clean break.

So, like the song says (sort of)...“Get on the schoolbus, Gus. Make a transition plan, Stan. Get your appropriate education free, Lee. And just listen to me...”

The first thing you may want to do is just look the team straight in their eyes and argue “we were never really right for each other.”

Or highlight your incompatibility by claiming “we were simply thrown together by a twist of FAPE.”

If they need a reason, you could be honest and offer “there was no augmentative communication between us.”

If they get huffy you can ask them, “why do you care? You’re hardly ever there -- Teacher’s Institute, Inservice, public holidays, maternity leave...”

If they demand more concrete information, you can lay your cards on the table and blurt out “face it, after the first IEP meeting, the trust was gone.”

Or you can mention specifics and tell them, “it’s been over ever since I caught you cheating on my child’s evaluation.”

You can try explaining your side and state, “I feel like you don’t understand a word I’m saying, maybe it’s because you have an unqualified speech therapist.”

Note the irreconcilable differences with the school and declare, “when it comes to educating the children, I have to do everything myself.”

Let them know your frustration and complain “all week long I slave and slave over boring textbooks, relearning subjects I had to learn years ago, and do I get a word of encouragement or acknowledgment? No, all I hear about is what I don’t do.”

If you want to be more neutral and not point out blame, just tell them “the 1, 2, 3, Magic is gone.”

If you’re feeling a little torn, you can explain, “lately, I feel like the only thing between us is a mediation table.”

If you want to skirt around the issue, you can say “I can’t help but shake the feeling that when you’re teaching concepts in the classroom, you’re really just not that into them.”

If you want to be a little more direct, you can announce “I’m tired of faking it, you’re not satisfying my child in the classroom. The private tutor takes them to a higher place -- higher education. “

If you must be blunt, cry out “I lied. Grades do matter, kids don’t always fail, and it is a big deal!”

If things get violent, make an excuse, and calmly state “I’m just going out for a pack of Pediasure.”

Once you own your power, proudly declare “I’m a different person now, I have read my Parents’ Rights Manual.”

If things start to get really ugly, don’t worry, just take a step back and utter the following words “have your special education lawyer call my special education lawyer.”

Try to put it all behind you and suggest , “I’m hoping by Junior High School Graduation, this will all have been a bad dream.”

Propose that they “remember the good times -- like Christmas Break.”

If all else fails, just be honest and shout “staying together is only hurting the children !”

[And when all else fails, remember to give your 10 day notice of unilateral placement.]

Comments

[Sandy Alperstein]

Lori, this is one of the funniest pieces ever! So clever! Thanks!!

[Liza]

I just posted a tribute on my blog. Love. This.

[Sad in Gurnee]

While I truly appreciate the clever wording of this and all the other parodies by Lori,it saddens me to know that many parents feel this way. I work in the school system and these posts undermine of all of us who work so hard to support our students within the classroom. If there are specific issues with specific districts or district staff, state it as such. PLEASE don't lump us all into one as uncaring and incompetent!

[Charles Fox]

Dear Sad in Gurnee: Lori went out of her way to acknowledge and to recognize the hard working and dedicated people who have been in our son's life over the years. Why is it that criticism or humor against some is always "undermining" and unfair to all even with these qualifiers. Continue working hard but there are many who cause huge amounts of frustration and fail to act appropriately. These parodies just do not happen to refer to you.

Charlie Fox

[A Parent]

I can't give my name, because we haven't quite left the district yet. Suffice it say, right now I look at it like trying to get out of an abusive relationship. We have a plan. If we can stay focused and out of harm's way we will be out by fall.

Lori--thank you so much for the lift, and for Sad in Gurnee--yes, it hasn't all been bad. I have tried whenever possible to acknowledge the individual help we have received. However, within a dysfunctional system--like many districts--good individuals are not enough. They have to be willing to stand up and change the structural problems.

I remember the teacher who cried at an IEP meeting--all the other parents told her to just write down whatever she thought was right and they would sign it, because they trusted her. I tried to explain that needing to having a clear IEP wasn't about trust or not trust. I couldn't trust that she would be my son's teacher in a year. As it turned out, she wasn't.

I would also point out to Sad, the number of teacher comments--in blogs and elsewhere (I have even heard them at school Open Houses)--that dump responsibility for school underperformance on parents--or on students with disabilities.