School is over for most of us, and summer school’s already begun for some. As parents we often fight for extended school year even though the regular school year experience has failed miserably. So why do we delude ourselves into expecting that even if the school year has gone poorly that summer school will somehow miraculously cure it all. It reminds me of how Woody Allen once described life. He said it was like two older ladies sitting in a restaurant. One says “the food here is terrible." The other replies, “and such small portions.”
So here are some guidelines to knowing when your child is having a poor summer school experience to help bring you back into reality.
You know your child is having an inappropriate summer school experience when...
The only time your child raises his hand is in self-defense.
The school uniforms are bright orange jumpsuits.
The school refuses to teach history because their mission statement describes the district as “forward looking.”
They consider snack an IEP goal.
The only reason the teacher is there is for fear HE or SHE will regress.
They spell ESY, EASY.
Your child is on the bus longer than she is in class.
The school’s metal detector is set off by the teacher’s multiple piercings.
Midway through the summer, your child runs out of glue.
A computer lab is a dog that likes computers.
Market Day refers to the Black Market.
A math activity is counting the days until the end of ESY.
The only child in a chair is in a Lazy Boy.
A PE goal is running away from the bully.
Your child’s medication is administered by someone named “Hey Joey, You Got The Stuff?”
Your child comes home at the end of the summer with an even tan.
Money skills are learned through bribery.
Cotton balls and glue are the primary school supplies.
Physically challenged is commonly used as a term of aggression.
Your child learns about reproduction from his teacher, and sex education is not part of the curriculum.
A hot lunch is a lunch that’s been left on the bus too long.
There are spelling errors on the teacher’s tatoos.
This is a riot, Lori! Thanks, as always, for the chuckles!!
Posted by: Sandy Alperstein | June 18, 2006 at 11:49 AM