Travel a Mile in My Orthotics by Lori Miller Fox

When raising a child with special needs, I believe it’s more important to focus on the similarities than the differences. However when I hear a mom bellyaching that “all parents worry about their children,” I sometimes get a little defensive. Although some sincere friends and relatives genuinely try to put themselves in my AFOs [ankle foot orthotics], I think the “mainstream” parent doesn’t have a clue. So I’ve designed some everyday analogies to help parents of “typical” kids better relate to the stresses and strains of some of our daily routines.

I would liken that sick feeling you get in your stomach when your child’s notice of  IEP comes in the mail, to the sensation you get when an invitation to a Tupperware Party arrives. Both are attended out of obligation, and both can’t end too soon.  And certainly at both, you are subject to immature games that you never seem to win. I think if school districts really had something of value to offer and gave out a pickle fork or salad spinner, at least families would have something else useless to hold on to at the end of the day besides unmet goals.

Going to due process to change your child’s placement is practically like being in surgery to have your appendix removed. In both cases, it’s a lot to go through to get rid of something that wasn’t doing you any good to begin with.

I think I would describe IEPs as being similar to having your teeth cleaned.  In both situations, the task is often loud, unpleasant and you know you’ll only have to repeat them again soon. And during both, even though your mouth is open, no one seems to be able to understand a word you’re trying to say.

Having your MDC could be compared to having a tax audit.  You dread both, believe you’ve been totally upfront and played by the rules, but you know they’ll find something that will haunt you forever.

A classroom visit could be very much like spending the weekend at the home of insensitive relatives. You don’t want to go to either, neither want you there, but you do it for the sake of  your children.

Looking at your child’s test scores or grades could be thought of as similar to weighing yourself.  You know there’s a number out there, but you’d rather not know exactly what that number is.

I personally like to compare having the school psychologist test my son, with taking my cat Travis to the vet for his annual vaccinations. In both cases, I have to explain to the “professional” that “he’s really very different at home.”

Looking at an educational placement that the “Team” recommended for your child that you know in your heart is inappropriate, is almost identical with buying a bridesmaid’s dress for the wedding of a casual friend.  In both instances, you resent the idea, don’t think you can say no, and are certain you’re looking at something that you’ll never want to go near again.

Looking at some summer camp programs for your child can be similar to looking for clothes on sale in the wrong size.  You want to only see what’s attractive about them both, but no matter how you struggle with the zipper, they just don’t fit.

Attending school meetings can feel just like going for your annual OB GYN exam.  In both cases you feel terribly exposed, extremely vulnerable, and no matter how badly you want to run away, you can’t leave the table.

Comments

[Sandy Alperstein]

Lori, once again you've hit the mark! I could relate to many of your analogies, and I'm sure others can too. Bravo!

[Peggy Lou Morgan]

Exactly.

Another similarity is like a women taking a car to a mechanic or having a home repair. You are assumed to be "only the dumb parent".

[Felisha Davis]

Thank you for the chuckle...much needed.